How do I call someone over, and what happens at the table?

The word depends on their age, not their job

There is no neutral "excuse me" here. You pick the family word that fits how old the person looks next to you, and add ơi, which is the call particle. Getting it approximately right is normal and welcome; nobody expects a visitor to be precise.

• Em ơi — anyone younger than you, male or female
• Chị ơi — a woman a bit older than you
• Anh ơi — a man a bit older than you
• Cô ơi — a woman old enough to be your aunt
• Chú ơi — a man old enough to be your uncle
• Bà ơi — a woman old enough to be your grandmother
• Ông ơi — a man old enough to be your grandfather
• Bạn ơi — "hey friend", the fallback when you cannot judge

Hands, and which one

Pass dishes with both hands, or with the right — not the left. If you are eating soup, the spoon sits in the left hand. The same right-hand preference runs through handing over anything at all, money included.

Three things to avoid: pointing at people, patting someone on the back or the head, and the crossed-fingers gesture, which is not a wish for luck here but a highly impolite sign.

The order of a meal, and who pays

Greet the oldest people in a group first, shake with the right hand, and smile at everyone. The meal itself begins when the oldest person takes the first bite, which is why an eager guest sometimes finds the table waiting.

To stop eating without giving offence, simply repeat politely that you are very full. As for the bill, the person who made the invitation pays it; if there was no invitation, the most senior person does.

Good to know

• Age picks the word: anh / chị for older, em for younger, then ơi
• Bạn ơi is the safe fallback
• Pass with the right hand or both; soup spoon in the left
• Crossed fingers is not luck here — it is highly impolite
• The one who invited pays; otherwise the most senior person

Sources: Vietnam Tourism — Vietnamese etiquette for travellers · Updated Aug 2026